Is it Meant to be or Not to be?

More often than not, we have all been asked this question, “Do you believe in destiny?“. Yes, destiny is such a great concept. I wish it were true. I hope it’s true. But I’m just not so sure it is.

 Does the walker choose the path, or the path the walker? (Garth Nix, Sabriel)

If destiny exists, then why make an effort? What’s done is done. There is nothing you can do to change the inexorable progression of fate, so why try? People might say: “I’m just born under a bad star/planet. Life has been very unkind to me.” In that sense, I think blind belief in destiny is very dangerous.

Moreover, if you think of yourself as just a mote of dust getting pushed and pulled endlessly by unforeseen forces you’re not going to be too happy.  How much ever we deny it, all of us feel this need to be in control. This locus of control essentially makes you more or less likely to be a go getter and to strive to better yourself. If you have a belief in fate, that certain things are pre-written, then of course this takes away the same responsibility that you might previously have felt and sense of possibility along with it.

The flip side of the coin is it’s nice to think that no matter how badly you screw up today, destiny might have something great in store for you tomorrow. Destiny can serve as a security blanket to help deal with things that we don’t want to understand.

But just simply relying on tomorrow to bring better tidings without any effort will not change anything. Even destiny might not help you if you don’t help yourself. I strongly believe in free will but I have to admit that I do resort to using destiny as a safety net at times. Guilty as charged! 😀

I think the only thing that matters is whether we give it our best shot, irrespective of what fate has in store or not.

After all, going down without a fight is the worst form defeat ever! So stay strong and march on..

We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve

Recently on a weekend, when I had pretty much naught to do, I stumbled across the movie “The Perks of Being a Wallflower“.  If you haven’t watched the movie or read the book, I would really recommend you to do so. Most of the coming-of-age movies are clichéd and try too hard to fit in a plot. But this storyline chimes in with an unusually incisive, character-driven ramble through the inevitable awkwardness of teen life. The best part of the story for me was that it was timeless.

There were several moments when reading the book that the outside world ceased to invade my conscious thought and the epiphany that presented itself was so overwhelming that it struck a giant chord deep within me. Of all the lines, the ones that stuck with me is a piece of dialogue between the main character Charlie and Sam.

Sam: Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we’re nothing?
Charlie: We accept the love we think we deserve.

I think at times we settle for less than what we deserve because of the troublesome trait of undermining ourselves. We tend to undervalue our worth and hence try to make do with what we have. More often than not it is probably the fear of being alone that overpowers us to be in relationships we know well enough we don’t deserve .

On the other hand, I also feel it is only but natural to wait for something better and not have to settle for what’s convenient. The point is if you have high standards no one should criticize you for that, it shows that you are mature enough to value yourself to know what you want and that you respect yourself enough not to settle for anything less than that.

These two sides are constantly locked in a struggle. It often becomes very difficult to understand if we are expecting too much or if we indeed deserve more. This is when we need to put on our thinking caps. No one else, I mean no one else, will be able to help us with this. We need to clear our heads of any fairy tales/assumptions and think hard. What is it that I deserve? What is it that I want?

Confusing? Hell yeah. But it is never is easy is it? After all you do deserve a love that never ends. As do I 🙂

Tagged for Silver Screen